It ends and starts...

Finish the last paper today...
and holiday starts...
when something ends,
another thing will starts,
and the something b4 tis will be replaced.
tis is the cycle.

same goes to relationship.
when a relationship ended,
something starts..
i wonder wht is it.

it's the PAIN.
i didn't sleep again.
everything seems so unreal to me,
i hardly feel myself.
i think it's the effect of lack of rest.
but i'm kinda enjoy the feeling,
at least i feel less pain.
it's good to be in a drunk condition without taking alcohol..lol

i'm really dizzy now.
gonna rest... bye.

things change, move on...

It hv been months i'm emoing n having bad dreams...
i dream abt u again,
i dream abt the msg n everything,
it's like a unstopable player
keeps playing the same things inside my head everynights.

i think that's enough for me.
not to say i suddenly hv the courage to face everything,
but juz knowing that i cant live like this anymore..
I HV TO LIVE ALIVE

i lose my passion on everything,
lose my male best fren,
lose myself,
lose smile on my face,
and A LOT...


even now, i...
i dunno...
there's a thorn in there,
and i didn't plan to pull it out from my heart,
coz i know if i pull it out,
it will oni cause more pain n bleed profusely.
so, i'm juz gonna leave it there,
pretend to be ok
and move on....
at least i know tis is for the best.

i'm starting to get everything on track
no matter how the future will be.

frens, family, study...
life cant be miserable with all these...

Doesn't matter anymore

Dear God,
thx for teaching me all these while,
i do learn a lot,
and a appreciate it even i failed all the test u given.
...............................................................................................................

i'm lost,
i cant feel myself anymore.
maybe my soul is completely gone.
i dun want it back,
i dun want to be ok,
i dun need anything.

nothing really matters anymore.
and this is me,
dun ask me why and dun stop me,
coz
tis is me no matter u like it or not.

CANT BREATH

Really tired....
mentally....
i dunno how long i can bare with all these...
Human r shallow.
they only focus on the physical things like what they see or heard.
And then they make judgment based on that.
This is the weakness of human being,
always trapped by beautiful lies and packages.
this is why Advertising works even though we knew that it's a lie.

so, human,
Do u think your 'package' reveal your true self?
I believe most of you will say "NO",
If it is so,
Then why u wanna judge ppl by their package?

Explanation is for those who dun understand you.
if they trust you, they dun ask for explanation,
if they dun trust you, no point u explain to them,
coz either way,
they already doubt abt your personalities.

I hv no commitment in evreything

finally i realize tat i hv no attachment with all my frens...
i dun really stick wit certain group of ppl.
i dun really close with anyone,
i join different gang all the time,
and tat cause me almost no group for assignment.
before the sem starts,
everyone wants me,
makes me feel so glad and confused,
so i was undecided.
when the sem starts,
'cool'...
everyone stick with each other except me floating among the crowd~~~~~~~
haiz....
well, at least i join the EXPERT group at the end.
I cant describe how i feel now.
too complicated.

b4 the sem starts,
i tot i can put down all the pass n move on my life,
i tot it's the beginning of my new life,
but it's juz the beginning of the nightmare.
academic, performance, and 'something' is killing me slowly.
i'll hv heart attack everyday.
life is getting miserable and harsh now.

haiz...
another thing is...
i'm getting more gayish~
my dancing crew tot i'm lesbian.
it's not the first time ppl suspected on my sexual preference,
someone told me tat,
i keep repeating boys r sux after i'm drunk,
omg...hahaah...
anyway, it doesn't matter.lol...

ok, back to some serious stuff.
i'm going to sit for hiragana test tomolo.
and still, i'm blogging here.
gonna fail it.

Thx God for giving me a lesson

hmm....
finally i can access to utar portal n check my result.
i noe i did it badly.
before i check it,
i was like...
omg!!!pls let me exceed 3.0
otherwise, i'm gonna die!

i take my breath i scroll down the page.
arg.....
2.9887
ish~~~~~
i stunned in front of my pc for few seconds.
then i think back wat i hv done during the study week.
outings, procrastination, online, and emo....
FINE LA.
I ACCEPT TIS RESULT.
AND I THINK I DESERVE IT.
so...tis is it!


surprisingly,
i'm not really sad abt it.
even it's the worst result i ever had.
coz no point feeling bad abt it when u didn't really put effort on it.
plus i still hv three years to go...
i hv chances...

i always believe that,
things happen for its purpose,
and tis is its purpose,
the result activate my study mode.
thx God for giving me a lesson.

i noe from now on,
i'm gonna fully focus on my study,
i need some discipline,
nothing gonna influence me now.
yes!GAMBATE EVERYONE!!!!

Should've Said No!

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone
Yesterday I found out about you
Even now just looking at you feels wrong

You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

You can see that I've been crying
And baby you know all the right things to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same

You say that the past is the past, you need one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

I can't resist before you go tell me this
Was it worth it? Was she worth this?
No, no, no, no, no, no

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me